A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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