So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want to have your abortion
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
