Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
