Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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