So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
