Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
