So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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