why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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