.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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