can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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