I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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