I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
