I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
