Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
