so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
