I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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