Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
