Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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