Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
