quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
