It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
