do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
