I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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