NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
