I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
honey bunches of taint.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
