So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
