I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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