So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
