Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
