I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
