How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
