I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
