Betty ford says i'm here all night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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