new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
