My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
