he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
