i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
