I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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