if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
