she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
