It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
