i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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