I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
