The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
