hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
