I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
