Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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