I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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