We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
