this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize