So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
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Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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