I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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