yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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