Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
