I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am available for nakedness
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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