You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you had me at cake vodka
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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