you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
