i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
