My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
