All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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