sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
