I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
