What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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