u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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