sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
