OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
