I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
