What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
