shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
