I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
