i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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