There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize