I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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