I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
