You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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