I think I died a long time ago.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
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Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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