everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
