If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
