dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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